I Lose My Muse

Toby, did you ever have trouble

finding something?

did you ever

lose

your muse?

I don't need to know

where it's at

I'm a cat

Maybe my muse

wasn't amused

there are

deep valleys of sadness

Mount Everests of madness

you're wondering where

your muse might be...

your muse is somewhere

weeping

gnashing teeth

keeping

her flame lit

she must sit

gather strength and wit

to return

and burn

the rots 

that block

mock

shock

with sanity droughts

of killing

hating

harming

my feline friend

you are right

forget the doubts

allay the fears

work abounds

lies all around

we'll plumb valleys

we'll climb Everests

one-by-one

we'll come together

all

plus you

and me

and soon 

so will she

each day

we'll seek a way

to restore

and more

to spread kindness

wield justice

correct mistakes

set courses

heal sadness

quell madness

care for the least of us

beat down the beast in us

       --JM, May 26, 2022

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"We have [to engage and] protest. But we also have to weave the social fabric that politics is meant to support."

            --From Oliver Burkeman in The Guardian, The Long Read, May 3, 2019; "How the News Took Over Reality"

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Already it grows late, so I will publish this and make a promise to deliver more very soon. There is much to celebrate and much to love among family, friends, and our fellow travelers on our beautiful, blue planet. We'll leave you tonight with...

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A Random Act of Kindness:

A friend of the family went to Poland, rented a car, and was able to make 14 border crossings into and out of Ukraine. Each time he brought a car full of Ukrainians out of their war-torn country to safety in Poland.

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Yin and Yang

"Toby, I just ate a medley of Springtime...fresh strawberries...fresh blueberries...a splash of cream...a soupçon of honey from local bees."

"Me too!" he said...a mouse, fresh from the field...a rat..."  He rolled over so the sun could bake his other side.

Sometimes I forget he's a carnivore from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. Wendy has confirmed a bird has been seen to be among his rations, but my mind's denial system likes to think that rodents are his staples, not our avian friends. Ah, the yin and yang of our lives.

Which reminds me...

"Toby, did you know that ten years ago the United Nations started up a world happiness report?"

"Do you mean to tell me somebody is keeping track? There are almost eight billion of you humans! How could they do that?"

"Each year, the UN sends out questions to people in 156 countries--not all the people, that would be billions--but still, a large amount. When they get the answers back, they tally them up to see which countries have a lot of happiness and which ones don't. This year, they also looked back at all the answers over these past ten years to get a better idea how to sustain people's happiness."

"What did they find out?" he asked.

"Well, Jeffrey Sachs, an economist who helped get these yearly surveys started said, 

'The lesson of the world happiness report over the years is that social support, generosity to one another, and honesty in government are crucial for wellbeing,'"

"Ha! That guy over in Russia needs to hear that!" Toby exclaimed.

"I wish!" I said, "and maybe some others. Just think, three simple things..."

"Yes," he said, "a mouse, a rat, and a b....." he stopped and left my denial alone.

Yin and Yang...

*

We'll go now to The Sports Desk:

Today, the Arts, and Health mingle with Sports in texts and mails from Kingston and family. Kingston weathered recovery from his tonsillectomy and after about a week was resuming activities. He colored a picture of his favorite car, a Lamborghini, for me...

And, I got in the mail a picture card of him from his basketball season...

Way to go, Jazz Man!

And, he soon was flying kites in the park...

So, I texted him this from my happy iPad and Apple Pencil.

Wonderful to see you feeling better, Kingston.

_______

Weather changing to spring opened up the horseshoe and quoits pits for residents where I live. I jumped in with three others who showed up to try their horseshoe chops for a couple of games...

______

I caught Wendy just before she was taking off to the stables nearby for more jumping practice...

She is enjoying the others who ride at the stables, too, and has taken up Salsa lessons and dancing with them.

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The Arts Desk:

In Tucson, springtime has been abundantly evident in Paula's art and journaling...

This one stays in my mind when I think of springtime in Tucson. Thank you, Paula.

______

In the Time of Pandemic: Alone on Another Grey Day in April

alone doesn't work anymore

it's gone on too long

the pull of projects

mists away in

sinking enthusiasm

single activities 

lie about in

fractured fits of

procrastinations

sadness

and grief

years advancing

cry for fulfillment

just one more time

just one more time

was that last journey

the last journey?

was that last visit

the last visit?

old age challenges

grow steeper

and deeper

to sob at pandemic

barricades

the dual reality

closing time windows

one-by-one

the throb of alone cries out

for the each other

in each of us

      --JM--April 2022

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How good it was to re-connect with our two young musicians again. 

Aidan got home from Cincinnati, his Freshman year completed with commitments to teach cello this summer. He has six students already. We've had several enjoyable walks. And, I don't have to worry about getting back to my car if I fall and break my leg. He could just sling me up over his shoulder and haul me back.

Keoni came home on the train for a brief visit before a week's tour in Germany with the NY Philharmonic. I enjoyed picking him up at the train station to go together to the farm for his mom's Mother's Day--me included. Can I get my head around him as a Texan when he leaves to his new employment with Houston Symphony in September?

Lone Star Man exiting SEPTA at Lansdale Station.

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With sadness we remember our artist friend Phil who passed away a couple of days after the post here two weeks ago, yet I feel joy and deep gratitude for his friendship. May Peace and Love and Kindness be your forever fare, old friend.

*

From Wendy.

Start with Art

Our lead today comes from...

The Arts Desk:

It begins with a call last night from Wendy to tell me, "Keoni was accepted yesterday by the Houston Symphony Orchestra!"

That news felt like a great choir singing the Halleluia Chorus. I texted him my happy congratulations for his outstanding achievement and commended his very diligent, hard work that led to this. 

A little while later, Keoni called from where he was with friends in Houston. Over the phone, we celebrated his great news.

He also wanted to ask about Phil who'd been on his mind since early yesterday when I'd messaged him and Aidan with the sad news that our Tucson artist friend Phil Bellomo* is now in hospice with pneumonia.

I am reminded that unalloyed joy and sadness are the substance, the beauty, and poignancy of our days. 

Keoni and I talked about what I knew--that I had been able to reach Phil by phone early in the morning to say goodbye. Also, I'd been able to reach our friend Carol, Phil's former colleague, who in turn provided Phil's caretaker Gwen with contact information she asked for in order to possibly put together an art show of Phil's work at Pima College where he'd taught art and ceramics. This Arts Desk will follow that possible development.

We all continue to hold a mindful vigil of love and light for our friend Phil.

______

*Go to the earliest posts that began this blog, June 2013, and scroll through the month to see Phil teaching Aidan to center clay, and Aidan and my house-sitting stay at Carol and Janie's just before Wendy, John, Keoni, Aidan, and all their animals moved to Pennsylvania.

Phil Bellomo's Website

______

Backing up to last weekend, Aidan finished his finals and his Freshman year at Cincinnati. He celebrated his end-of-finals on Saturday trying out an app on his phone and making a delightful video which he shared...

Thank you, Aidan! Thank you, too, for the wonderful Procreate app you introduced me to.  I'm really enjoying drawing on my iPad. Your explorations in the app world have expanded my world! 

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Turning now to...

The Sports Desk:

Elijah kept us occupied on a streaming service covering his basketball team in a Las Vegas tournament over the weekend. After two outstanding wins on Saturday, they lost on Sunday which still was engrossing to watch as it was played with heart and definitely not a washout. His grandparents, Valerie and Tim, were there in LV at courtside to root in person. Valerie shared pix of Elijah in action...

______

Recently, Wendy has taken up jumping at a nearby horse facility. It reminded Carol and me of old times in Tucson. Carol sent this of Wendy riding Carol's handsome horse Willy in the cross-country phase of an event in Sonoita, Arizona...

And Wendy celebrated Austin's 26th birthday, recently, with a small batch of visual remembrances...

A brand new Austin and her BLM mama. Over time, Austin became grey.

Wendy trained Austin and they were successful dressage competitors.

In her 26th year, Austin lives a largely pastured life here in Pennsylvania with daily attention to grooming and some special dietary needs. 

______

My sister Susie has taken up bike riding again and one of the trails she likes runs next to the pastures at Grant's Farm where the Anheiser-Busch Clydesdales have their home.

Geese are enjoying the pasture, too.

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The Health Desk...

Young Kingston faced his tonsillectomy this morning with mettle and courage.

Mom and Dad were there to help...

Okay, I'm suited up for this...

Waking up afterward...

"I don't want to talk..."

Time to go back home...

The pain remedies are not working well enough this evening. I am so sorry, Kingston. I'm sorry Sonja, Jeff, and Elijah. I know it's a rough old time right now.

*

My new friend...

Jailbirds & Luckibirds.

"I was in jail!!!" Toby exclaimed.

"Is that why I didn't see you last week?"

"Yes! Didn't you hear me meowing inside the barn?"

"Hmmm, come to think of it maybe I did when I was taking a walk and went by the barn. I thought I was just imagining that I heard a faint meow. My hearing is so bad."

"Well, I was yowling my head off. I knew you were out there." He seemed a bit miffed.

"I'm sure sorry, my buddy. What on earth were you locked up for?"

"Oh, Wendy and John were taking care of somebody's wild, rambunctious, city dog. When they let her out the back door, the very first thing she did was chase me and right after that she grabbed one of the hens and carried her off. Luckily, John was close by to chase her and did a flying leap through the air and saved the hen. So, they locked up the chickens and me in the barn for a whole week! Sort of a barn witness protection. I'd testify against that dog any day!"

"I think we have another Luckibird besides Picasso!" I said, "But you can relax because I see that the dog was returned to her family. They're back from their vacation."

"Thank goodness. I don't ever want to go through that again," he said. "Dogs are my friends. Our dogs!"

"Yeah, and there's no vaccine for wild rambunctiousness. You know what? I was in jail too, for seven days! though not as restricted as quarantines before the Covid vaccines. I stayed mostly in my apartment, as before; masked and socially distanced if I was outside the apartment. It's the honor system. No ankle bracelet!"

"What happened?" he asked. "Did you get Covid?!!!"

"No, no. I went on a senior living bus ride to a museum tour. It turned out nobody was wearing a mask but me, our leader, and the museum docents. Two days later I got a phone call--one person on the trip tested positive for Covid. They asked me to self-quarantine and monitor myself for Covid symptoms, so I did.  I'm grateful for vaccines so I haven't become a Covid guinea pig for variant development or spread it around. I still hope every eligible person, here or anywhere, finds their way to get immunized against Covid--or any disease for that matter."

"Yeah, we need billions more Luckibird people."

We walked together to the fence out beyond the barn. The goats came over to satisfy their curiosity. All around us, we could see the goodness of spring rebirthing. Once again, love felt near--enough to overcome all the fears, mistakes, and terrors of our times. I picked Toby up to hold him for a bit. He stretched up where he could purr against my ear.

He said, "I saw you yesterday when you came over for Easter dinner with Wendy and John. Oh, and that other couple they're friends with--Sue and Wayne were here."

"Yes," I answered, "it was a happy visit even though I missed Keoni and Aidan who are far away living their young lives. It was different without either one of them, but good food, good conversations, and lots of laughter sure did feel good."

"Were you worried about your exposure to Covid?" he asked.

"Yes. I had gotten rapid tests just for such a time. It had been five symptomless days since my exposure and on Easter morning I tested negative for Covid. I'd have stayed home if it was positive."

"You are a Luckibird."

*

It's time to return to... 

THE ARTS DESK

A charming Easter greeting came from the hand of Joseline, in Tucson...

_____

There are two budding artists in Jeanenne's family...

Grandniece Harper, age 8.

Grandniece Della, age 6.

Keep it up, young women!

_____

In 2016, Aidan wrote a couple of Haiku for a class he was in. I just found them buried in old emails...

So much depends upon

a colorful soccer ball

In the wet blades of grass

next to the muddy, splattered cleats

and...

glistening sun on the smooth surface of water

Through the thin trees

a soft, white tailed deer

Silently drinking

with the cool smell of rain

_____

In Tucson, Paula is keeping up her "sit spot" journaling. Her recent entry...

I'm curious about the two visitors to the Bee hotel. 

Though I can see blossoms from my Pennsylvania window, Winter just came back to argue with Spring this afternoon, so it is good to see Paula's visual evidence of southwestern desert spring...

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From the Green Goddess Desk:

April 19, 2022, 12:39 pm Update: Paula and Carl just sent photos and information about their Bee hotel. Here it is...

"...[the Bee hotel is from] Tucson Audubon, and they're meant to attract native bees as places for them to lay eggs. The bee hotel is about 12" high and has various size holes (all approx. 1/4" or so) for various size bees. It's our understanding that bees will lay an egg in one of the holes, add some food, and then seal up the hole...We have two of these right by our house - in general, native bees don't sting so we don't have to worry about that."

"...one of the holes sealed up...bottom left hole shown here..."

"...photo Carl took of...bottom left hole..."

Help for insects! Simple boosters for bees. The Goddes says we're diversity dependent and that means we love insects, too! 

Green Goddess' new motto: Diverse Universe. 

She sends thanks to Paula and Carl.

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THE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS DESK

Around 30 years ago, when bumper-stickers slogans had spread to tee-shirts, I bought a tee-shirt that said...

I loved the message and people often remarked on it so I wore it again and again. One day, while I was swimming at the Y, it was stolen from the locker room. I think we are all a little starved for love and beauty.

Hope in the Springtime of the Mind

"Toby, I'm glad you are in from the field today. I really, really need a warm, furry friend."

"Why? What's happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing is the best word I can find for it."

"Is it the Blahs?"

"Sort of...mmm...a little different."

"Hmmm. Sounds serious." He was watching the big white rooster minding hens nearby. Then, he said, "Let's go up and sit on the steps."

We climbed up the porch steps and sat down together. All three dogs were stretched out below us on the grass in the sunshine. It was peaceful.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I can't shake off some sort of melancholy hanging around for days."

"Explain melancholy."

"Kind of like a damp dishrag. Low energy. Low spirit. I'd cry, but no tears. Lonely."

Toby sat quietly for a while. Then, he said, "When I get lonely there are always the dogs. They are 99 and 44 one-hundredths percent happy even though they get worked up now and then with something the neighbors are doing. Even so, they're fun to watch tearing up and down the fence line barking their heads off."

"Say, I didn't know you get lonely!"

"Oh yeah. It happens," he said, "even though my DNA has a 'loner' gene. So, what do you do when you get lonely?"

"Mope."

"What else?"

"Nothing."

"Ugh. It's a good thing you're telling me about this. You are badly in need of a Springtime of the mind. How will you get there? 

"Umm. Sitting here talking with you feels pretty good."

"What about some of your other fave things to do? Art, music, writing, reading, walks..."

"Well, they're all there still, but there's this heavy greyness. Everything is different now--for everyone. Uncertainties lie like crossties on a transcontinental railroad. "

"Do you think maybe it's okay to just feel down sometimes?"

"You know, you might be onto something. All that self-help stuff going on makes me think there's something wrong with me if I'm blue. Like there's some special key to unlock the door to bright happiness that I need on my keychain and I keep not noticing the locksmith shop across the road. Kinda silly,"

He rubbed his head on my arm.

It felt good to say: "I'm really as okay as I can be today. I've been blue before and it will change in its own time."

"Just like Springtime," he said.

"Sitting here, talking to you, I'm seeing color definition emerge from the greyness."

Was it because of what he said or asked? Maybe, but I think it was mostly because he was sitting there by me; for a little moment in time he and I were 'we'. And, that was good.

*

The Arts Desk:

From Tucson, Paula sent her beautiful rendering of the southwest's springtime bounty of Desert Willow seedpods...

I Need Relief

"Toby, my buddy, I need some relief. Comic, if you're up for it."

"Well," he answered, "the last time I did stand-up comedy, that big white rooster kept heckling and crowing and interrupting so much I couldn't get a word in; it even hurt my dog friends' ears and they began to howl. That set off the whole neighborhood. There's not much audience for comedy around here except for the dogs. They're always happy-go-lucky. At the drop of a hat, they're ready for sports, too. I can't say enough about their great attitudes."

"That reminds me," he went on, "you know, I heard something this week when that loose wire in the barn picked up a broadcast. It would have been comic except it was so sad. Grown people were being really mean to a woman they were questioning; interrupting her, twisting her record of accomplishments and her answers. It was like that big white rooster all over again."

"Oh, I know what you heard! It was a D.C. Senate hearing. I watched it on my TV. Supreme Court Associate Justice nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson was answering D.C. Senators' questions. This is what nominees do before the Senate takes a vote to confirm or deny her a seat on the highest court in our democracy."

"Well, parts of it sounded like a barnyard!"

"Good point. I'm glad there were a lot of the senators that were respectful and asked her questions that made sense and were based on truth; some made decent or kind comments. Yet, here I am asking you for comic relief today. I lost my ability to absorb a few of the senators' ugly behaviors and attacks on Judge Jackson and just concentrated on drawing an image of her."

"Oh yes, I saw your drawing, he said. I liked seeing what she looks like. Thank you. And, you're right, some of the senators were respectful. Their questions helped to understand how she approaches the law and America's Constitution. She was rock solid through it all--whether the senators were good, bad, mean, or ugly. You humans can be very proud of her!"

"So true, Toby! We have to let the ugly parts rest and hope that decency, honor, kindness, and democracy will carry the day."

"Do you still need comic relief?" he asked

"Always welcome, my friend! After all, we still have war and pestilence to contend with among other calamities."

Toby sat right up and began...

        "A cat, a Rabbi, and a rooster walk into a bar..."

Just then, the big white rooster crowed--flapping his wings he sprang forward in attack mode, targeting Toby...

I still could use some comic relief. Feel free to finish Toby's story in the Comment section.

*

From the Arts Desk...

The Met Chorus singing the Ukrainian National Anthem...

Ukrainian National Anthem

*

From the Sports Desk...

We heard from Utah where Kingston with his young Jazz team finished their season...

Number 27, Kingston, with big bro Elijah.

Coach Sonja with the Jazz Men.

Jeff & Elijah with the team, too.

Trophy time!

A pause at the farm when a now rare family frisbee moment happened...

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A Corner to Remember...

Ten years ago our Love families went to the beach in Florida. These pictures were from Cindi, Sonja's friend. She shared them this week with Sonja on the anniversary of the trip they were able to make.

2012 at the Beach...

Dimetrios & Sonja.

Valerie & Dimetrios.

Elijah, Sonja, and Dimetrios.

Elijah & friend.

Elijah & friend.

Dimetrios.

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The Green Goddess of Our Good Earth stopped by the other day in the interest of helping tame, bit-by-bit, our convulsing planetary warming woe. She said she really likes Valerie's idea of a green desk to feature everyday things that anybody can do to help avert our climate crisis. It's not all EVs, solar panels, and wind farms. She says a lot can be done by millions of us doing better things every day. 

So here is...

The Green Goddess Desk:

Your ideas, successes, and failures are all welcome. Tell us in Comments or email me. We'll learn from all of it.

Here are a couple of mine:

I was surprised in recent times, while trying to wean myself from using plastic wrap, to learn how dependent I've become on plastic wrap!!! We did not have this stuff when I was growing up. It's darn hard to quit. Is there a rehab for plastic wrap users? So, I got a roll of good ol' waxed paper and some silicone stretchy bowl covers and decided to try it cold turkey. Well, I was partially successful. So I added some silicone-covered glassware for fridge storage, too. Let's say I've improved! Much less plastic use going on in this apartment.

I'm switching product by product to more sustainable (and far, far less toxic) haircare and personal cleansing purchases. That happened when I began using a gift bar of soap (that I'd been saving for--what?). It had sat in the linen closet for a long time, one of those things I regarded as too lovely to use. One day I read its ingredients and marveled that it was all stuff I could pronounce. It is so soft on my skin! So I did some research and learned about other products I never dreamt existed--"bars" of shampoo and conditioners! No plastic bottles, chemical distributions, or ozone-killing propellants. Yes, they cost a little more, relative to giant-size, super-cheapos mostly made of toxic chemicals, but so far the bars are lasting a good long while. Interestingly, my hair is softer than it's felt since I was a little kid. 

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It's time to check with the Weather Desk. Hmmm. Persephone must still be having it out with Hades because it's cold again. But still, spring is happening.

Wendy's crocus.

Late afternoon break from spring rain showers here at Dock.